My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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