Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
