My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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