Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
