Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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