What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
