how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
