M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
