Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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