that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
