Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
