i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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