I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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