His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
