it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
