I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
