After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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