I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
