I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
