guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
