Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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