hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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