my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
