he thought i was a dude.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
