well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
