I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
