wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
