the condom got lost in my hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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