dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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