I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
