Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
