KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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