You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's like heaven, but drunker
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
