just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
