Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
