So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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