So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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