You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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