I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
