At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
