Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
