I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
