Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
