I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
