My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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