Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
