i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
