If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
