If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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