I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
