I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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