i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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