i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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