Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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