For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
PANTIES FOUND
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