Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
