I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
