i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
