absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
