Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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