I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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